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Tell me if I should feel this way...
I asked him "What made me want your love so much? What was so special about you that made me do any & everything to win your heart?" "I would've done anything to have your affection."
He replies, "I didn't deserve it."
: o (gasp!)
Did he know all along that he didn't deserve it? Does that mean that he used me? He knew all along that he couldn't reciprocate and still allowed me to toil for his emotions?
Or, or....
He's just realizing that he could never be who I need (to compliment me), and so he's resigned himself to the realization that he ain't wazzup?
While, throughout the course of the relationship, he accused me of thinking that he ain't good enough, that he ain't shit! Be that as it may, he ultimately is the reason why I felt that way!!!
He actually admits it now. Which is good, b/c that means that he is on the course of self-actualization, but will he contend? He still needs something to hold on to. And I do too but, the past is just that. Keep moving forward. (deep breath)
Oh well. It was a learning experience and I am slowly but surely learning to love me. Which may sound redundant to those who know me, but....
You live, you learn. I had to lose myself so I could love me better!!! Yeah. That's it. So I could love me better.
I vow not to submerge myself in another emotionally abusive relationship again. So I can love me better!!!
THE END.
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1 comment:
Sounds like he isn't the only one experiencing some self-actualization. The funny thing is once we love ourselves enough, then we won't enable someone else to hurt us with their short-comings. It will either be "get it together" or "get gone". Great post, doll :-)
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