Friday, December 19, 2008

Happy Birthday Self!!!

Today is my birthday. I am 26 years old and don't know if I feel quite grown yet. I guess because all of my friends and loved ones already had families by my age. I don't feel left behind, I do feel a little incomplete though. It felt good this morning to get text messages and phone calls from the people who love and care about me, wishing me a happy me day. Especially after last night, when I resolved myself to simply coming home from work tonight and studying for the LSAT. No party, no clubbing, no drinking, no cuddling, no movie, no sex, no outing... Just me, myself, and I. I guess I never really was into birthdays. I don't remember having any parties or celebrations or big to-do's.

There was a party once, that I recall. Can't remember how old I was but I remember being excited. My mama was making me a cake shaped like Rainbow Brite and I got a Baby Brite doll as a gift. I remember the house smelling like cake and a bunch of kids coming over to eat my cake and ice cream. I remember playing outside and I remember my cousin taking my siblings and me to see "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" at the dollar show.

Video Clip from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"

I remember the theater smelled like vomit & cheese popcorn, and that odor mixed with the lingering taste of yellow cake and vanilla ice cream, spoiled in my belly. I remember trying to convince my cousin to let me go home because I wasn't feeling so well. She tried to make me stay, but, if I remember correctly, I threw up and then she had to bring us home. But I felt better after I vomited and wanted to stay then :(
But we left. And I don't remember having another celebration again. Unless you count going to the club when I made 21, getting tore up from the floor up, tore back from the neck back, and being plain old pissy drunk! Go shawty, it's ya birthday!!!

I guess, maybe I was traumatized by those events. Maybe I'm just a grouch and don't care about my birthday. It's really for others to celebrate the joy that I have brought to them through our relationships with one another. And when their birthdays come around, I celebrate the joy they bring to me.

Today is my Godfather's birthday, a friend of mine's birthday, and my bestfriend's baby daddy's birthday. We all have a lot to be thankful for. Even if we can't buy ourselves something nice this year. I am grateful today, just like everyday, that God gave me another chance to be here and affect change, and get it right (maybe), and live, and breathe, and be...

Happy Birthday Self!

December 19, 2008

Get Me Bodied - Beyoncé feat. Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams and Solange Knowles

Monday, December 8, 2008

Comfort Zones & Security Blankets

I have finally resolved and decided to relieve myself of the pain of past disappointments, let-downs, and other strifes. So, I suppose that I am now experiencing what might be called an identity crisis. While speaking with a new found "friend", (cuz I don't yet know him like that), I realized that this is quite a normal predicament to find oneself in, when learning how to love self, and let go and let God.

So, now I am back on the scene, with a gangster lean, bringing it back to yesteryear! I'm hitting up open mic nights, and singing, and going to ch-u-ch, and praising the Lawd, and reading poetry, and wearing the Pink Fro', and all that jazz!!!

But even after I decided that I cried my last tear yesterday, I cried more tears. Can you believe it?! Me of all people, crying after I said I was done?! I'm like Keisha Cole, trying to be the one sent from Heaven. But, like I said, I decided to let it go.

And I got back out there and realized that my sisters, neither one of them at least, nor my BFF was there with me. You know, bogarding people, getting free drinks, dancing our hearts out, being all the rage in the club. I had no one by my side. Especially not big sister foxy chocolate, who is my cosmetologist/manager/agent! She was nowhere to be found. I need her. Oh, I need her bad. She has been my rock and inspiration and mega-influence since, since!

But I finally got out there and started to network and talk, and promote myself, without any of my security blankets. We've always thought for so long that we each should be the one that each of us could stand on...

And then we came to the conclusion that maybe we were holding each other back with the umbilical cord attached, like some kind of vine and branches. So we moved away from each other, so that we could breath and give each other a chance to thrive. But I was so afraid, thinking that I could not do it by myself. And we do need each other. And we have each other. But we should not allow ourselves to become Linus' and cannot function without each other.

I've gotten to the point now, that I realize, I can have a security blanket, but sometimes, I need to leave it at home on the bed, and use it only to cry myself to sleep on lonely nights, or to comfort me in sorrow, or to warm my tattered soul. No matter what, I know that my comforting blanket is there to console.

For You

There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won't anymore...
And who always will.
So,don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
Give these flowers to everyone you don't want to lose in 2009,
including me, if that's what is in your heart.
Try to collect 12; it's not easy!

Be kinder than necessary
Because everyone you meet is fighting
Some kind of battle.

Life should be easier. So should your homepage.

Friday, December 5, 2008

"Elliot Luv Blaque" Listening Party

R.E. Music Group
Elliot Luv Blaque Album Listening Party 
Dec. 6     4pm-7pm 
920 poeyfarre st, ph 15
@ the cotton mill condos 
new orleans,la

Invites only
For more info call:504-875-8220/504-810-8191
E-Mail: ttrousell@REMUSICGROUP.COM 

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


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phat97 has shared a video with you on YouTube:

a little movie i made of me reading Corduroy by Don Freeman. music is assorted pieces from carnival of the animals
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