Friday, December 19, 2008

Happy Birthday Self!!!



Today is my birthday. I am 26 years old and don't know if I feel quite grown yet. I guess because all of my friends and loved ones already had families by my age. I don't feel left behind, I do feel a little incomplete though. It felt good this morning to get text messages and phone calls from the people who love and care about me, wishing me a happy me day. Especially after last night, when I resolved myself to simply coming home from work tonight and studying for the LSAT. No party, no clubbing, no drinking, no cuddling, no movie, no sex, no outing... Just me, myself, and I. I guess I never really was into birthdays. I don't remember having any parties or celebrations or big to-do's.

There was a party once, that I recall. Can't remember how old I was but I remember being excited. My mama was making me a cake shaped like Rainbow Brite and I got a Baby Brite doll as a gift. I remember the house smelling like cake and a bunch of kids coming over to eat my cake and ice cream. I remember playing outside and I remember my cousin taking my siblings and me to see "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" at the dollar show.


Video Clip from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"



I remember the theater smelled like vomit & cheese popcorn, and that odor mixed with the lingering taste of yellow cake and vanilla ice cream, spoiled in my belly. I remember trying to convince my cousin to let me go home because I wasn't feeling so well. She tried to make me stay, but, if I remember correctly, I threw up and then she had to bring us home. But I felt better after I vomited and wanted to stay then :(
But we left. And I don't remember having another celebration again. Unless you count going to the club when I made 21, getting tore up from the floor up, tore back from the neck back, and being plain old pissy drunk! Go shawty, it's ya birthday!!!


I guess, maybe I was traumatized by those events. Maybe I'm just a grouch and don't care about my birthday. It's really for others to celebrate the joy that I have brought to them through our relationships with one another. And when their birthdays come around, I celebrate the joy they bring to me.

Today is my Godfather's birthday, a friend of mine's birthday, and my bestfriend's baby daddy's birthday. We all have a lot to be thankful for. Even if we can't buy ourselves something nice this year. I am grateful today, just like everyday, that God gave me another chance to be here and affect change, and get it right (maybe), and live, and breathe, and be...
ME!



Happy Birthday Self!
Love,

Self
December 19, 2008



Get Me Bodied - Beyoncé feat. Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams and Solange Knowles